How to Help a Friend
"How do I help a friend with an eating disorder (or who I suspect is struggling with disordered eating or body image issues?)"
I’ve been asked this question many times in various forms, and I’ve read many articles on the subject. It’s frustrating because, even after having many personal experiences with eating disorders, I still struggle to give helpful advice.
The bottom line: seek professional help, or suggest that your friend seeks professional help. You/they are never “not sick enough,” your/their body does not have to look a certain way to “qualify,” and, no matter how hard you try to help yourself or help a friend, an eating disorder needs professional attention, especially since it often coincides with other serious mental health illnesses. If you are uncertain about whether or not you or a friend has an eating disorder, please, please err on the side of caution and seek professional help from a doctor or therapist who specializes in the treatment of eating disorders.
That being said - I am fully aware of the high cost of such treatment, whether it be in-patient care, therapy, or anything in-between, and I know that not everyone has the financial means or network of support to receive proper treatment. So, if your friend is suffering and can’t get professional help, here’s the next-best advice that I have:
1. Read up. Educate yourself. Understand what an eating disorder is (A MENTAL ILLNESS, NOT A DIET) and how you can avoid perpetuating stigma and potentially triggering the friend who needs help. I recommend starting with this article that debunks common myths about eating disorders: http://www.healthtalk.org/young-peoples-experiences/eating-disorders/myths-about-eating-disorders.
There is also a ton of helpful information on NEDA's website here: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/family-and-friends.
2. In the words of Prjoject HEAL's co-founder, Lianna Rosenman: “You can’t make your friend stop the behaviors, but you can listen, try to understand, and offer support.” If all else fails, your best bet is just to listen. Try your best to understand where your friend is coming from, and ask them if there is anything you can do that would be helpful for them. Don't try to offer concrete advice; it can be triggering, and should ideally only be given by trained professionals.
3. Don’t mention weight in ANY capacity, and avoid comments about physical appearance as much as possible. Comments such as, “You look great!” can be triggering.
4. Lead by example. If you work to maintain and exemplify a healthy relationship with your body and your mind, you can help others to do them same. Recognize that others pay attention and learn from the way you talk about yourself and your body. Choose to talk about yourself with respect and appreciation.
More online resources are available through NEDA:
https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/help-support/contact-helpline